This is more of a personal post and a definite departure from all my posts on pretty interiors but hope you will read it nonetheless....good to change things up every now and then :)
As we are about to usher in fall, I inevitably feel the same way right around this time.......
I kid you not on a truly perfect fall day, when the weather is hovering round 60 and there is a cool brisk breeze, when the sky is blanketed in all its royal blue glory, the sun is radiating its brilliance, when the leaves are turning a Crayola box of colors, when you start seeing smoke billowing out of chimneys and bright yellow school buses rounding ever corner, when you hear the whistle of a referee at an opening day football game, when you see cars loaded up for the seasons first tailgate party, and college campuses come alive again with open hearts and bright minds ready to embrace new opportunities, when you start to anticipate weekend trips to Vermont for apple and/or pumpkin picking, when you smell apple cider permeating the air and get a glimpse of an old truck lugging thousands of pumpkins headed to a local farm.........those are the unmistakable signs of fall. And at the sake of sounding melodramatic sometimes it makes me cry a little.....
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I think subconsciously fall symbolizes an unspoken goodbye to my own once young kids, eagerly waiting for the bus, all the fun (and not so fun) trips to the stores for that dreaded back to school shopping, heck I will even miss some of the arguing over what clothes to buy and not buy, because it meant one thing.......we were together, just doing that simple task of buying clothes meant they were still young, still needed my help and guidance, young enough to still need me to get them there. I was their social secretary, wardrobe consultant, in house chef, part time nurse, tutor extraordinaire, chauffeur on call, playdate wizard, you name it......I was there and miss every second:)
Now my youngest son hops into his car with his friends, heads for the mall without a second thought that I should be there. In his mind, that ship has sailed and this new chapter brings him the independence he has waited 17 years to have and deserves. It's admittedly bittersweet......seeing my tall strapping young son (my baby) all grown up, who just started his senior year of high school. So proud of his successes while at the same time wishing he was young enough to still need my presence for his every move. I well up just thinking of it, don't know how I am going to get through this last year knowing it's my last, how I will handle things at his graduation. Bring on the tissues (or Valium) or maybe both:).
So fall for me is very personal, a beautiful reminder that life is short and precious and a privilege and above all something to not take advantage of. Not a single day. For all of you who are lucky enough to still have young children in the house (I envy you), but please trust me on one thing....... try and enjoy all those dreaded school supply shopping trips, the countless pleas for homework help, the arguments to go to the mall yet one more time, the late night runs looking for poster board (no you are not the only one:), the serious brainstorming over what to wear that first day of school, the hours you will spend scouring the land for that one Halloween costume they must have, them begging for you to make their favorite cupcakes or cookies even when you are so exhausted you can't move a muscle, the hand holding that they expect all the way to the bus stop, even those early mornings frantically scraping together a quick lunch for them to take......with the blink of an eye it all goes by so so fast. And don't even get me started on Halloween! I know I miss all of these "rites of passage" desperately and for some reason it always hits home come fall. Sometimes fall makes me cry......
So this is a tribute to the beautiful season of fall, which I am sure means different things to different people....it reminds me that life changes and changes fast, new doors open while others close. I think for me, fall will always be a reminder of some of the best times of my life with my kids, as much as I complained about the dreaded back to school blues, it was also an exciting and fun filled time to be a part of, seeing the new season through their young and hopeful eyes. I was right there at the front line, part of every facet of their life, not missing a single minute..........
Now I feel like nothing but a bystander to all the fall festivities and rites of passage. While I am walking into Staples to buy tape or printer paper, I look with envy at all the exasperated parents and eager kids choosing just the right notebooks and backpacks and just want to tell them to enjoy it even amidst the crazy chaos and exhaustion that we parents inevitably feel come fall. I would happily take the chaos over the calm if it meant them being young again. It makes me sad yes, but at the same time fortunate that I got to experience it at all. And I guess though at 47 it feels strange to say it, there are always grandkids :)
So thank you fall, for being the one season that reminds me of how grateful I am and a season that will always take me back to a very precious time........even if it makes me cry just a little.
Thanks so much for stopping in and wanting to read what I have to say. Your visits mean the world to me!
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